Archive for June, 2008

Tomatos are your friend.

June 28, 2008

There is pretty much one vegetable that I enjoy eating. I know, technically a tomato is a fruit, just like technically a sweet potato is a member of the yam family. But this whole “salmonella” outbreake thing that has for the past month and a bit, stopped sale of tomatos, today is proven to be a sham.

Investigators have collected about 1,700 tomato samples, “and so far, all of these have been negative,” Acheson said.

What this means is that the spate of illnesses caused by people eating a tomato is probably just their own systems going into “Oh dear, I ate a tomato, I’m gonna DIE!” mode. Pretty much the entire problem with those people who have suffered from Salmonella poisoning can be summed up in one sentance.

“Produce investigations are very difficult, because a lot of times, vegetables are eaten all together,” said Dr. Patricia Griffin, chief of the Enteric Diseases Epidemiology Branch at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Georgia.

Yes. Because you heathen bastards eat your salad all mixed together you will get salmonella!

I hope it kills the Vegans off first.

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… then the SCOTUS hits a home run

June 26, 2008

“I am profoundly disappointed in Justice Roberts and Justice Alito, both of whom assured us of their respect for precedent. With this decision, 70 years of precedent has gone out the window. And I believe the people of this great country will be less safe because of it.” – Sen. Dianne Feinstein, Commie-Calif.

Something about that quote makes me an incredibly happy man. I cannot state how happy I am that the Supreme court pissed someone on opposite side off rather than me for a change. Adding to the fact that they upset that Diana Feinstein just makes it all the sweeter.

Of course I’m talking about the ruling today by the SCOTUS that the DC Handgun ban is unconstitutional. The scope that they in their wording of this finding makes many of the other gun laws in this country just as unconstitutional, and that makes me a happy man. Finding number one is heroic in my mind.

Heller vs D.C.

The Second Amendment protects an individual right to possess a
firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that arm for
traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home.

The fact that this ruling makes not only the DC ban illegal, but also any and ALL bans. California, New York, Chicaco, California, New Orleans, and California all have similar laws, and with this ruling, you can expect each and every single one of them to be challenged, and declared uncoonstitutional as well.

The VPC and other anti-American organizations are now frothing at the mouth and crying tears of anguish. Previously the liberals and gun grabbers focused on the first four words of this law, while ignoring the last four.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Finally we get a ruling which focuses on the last four words of the law just as much as it does on the first four. Thank you Supreme Court. You finally had a ruling this year that didn’t offend me. Please try to keep it up.

The SCOTUS Screws up…

June 26, 2008

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lord Acton

I utterly believe in the Supreme Court. The checks and balances set up by our having them there to balance bad laws by either the POTUS or Congress are part of what makes this country great. However, there are times that the 4 and 3/4 idiots on the Supreme Court screw the pooch for the rest of us.

The Court today holds that the Eighth Amendment categorically prohibits the imposition of the death penalty for the crime of raping a child. This is so, according to the Court, no matter how young the child, no matter how many times the child is raped, no matter how many children the perpetrator rapes, no matter how sadistic the crime, no matter how much physical or psychological trauma is inflicted, and no matter how heinous the perpetrator’s prior criminal record may be. The Court provides two reasons for this sweeping conclusion: First, the Court claims to have identified “a national consensus” that the death penalty is never acceptable for the rape of a child; second, the Court concludes, based on its “independent judgment,” that imposing the death penalty for child rape is inconsistent with ” ‘the evolving standards of decency that mark the progress of a maturing society.’ ”

What this ruling does isn’t just make it illegal to give kiddie rapists the chair, it also tries to enforce their own brand of liberal “decency”. This means that while currently it’s illegal to rape, under this ruling, new brands of “decency” could allow rape as a “decent” action. It’s not just a bad ruling, it’s an attempt to legislate from the bench, which is ISN’T what the Supreme Court was created for.

Liberal America 1 / Conservative America 0

“Anybody in the country who cares about children should be outraged that we have a Supreme Court that would issue a decision like this,” said Alabama Attorney General Troy King, a Republican. The justices, he said, are “creating a situation where the country is a less safe place to grow up.”

At least he understands how much they screwed up.

Ryanair makes me want to fly

June 26, 2008

Airfair comes with free Oral Sex

In a press conference, CEO Michael O’Leary discussed Ryanair’s new transcontinental service, which will offer extremely cheap economy fares, as well as luxurious business class seats that include amenities like “white seats,” beds, and oral sex.

After all these years I’ve not been on a flight anywhere, I now have a reason to fly again.

Where do I sign up?

Entertainment weekly is a pile of crap.

June 26, 2008

Recently, Entertainment weekly put out a list of movies similar in scope to what the American Film Institute puts out. You know, the “top 100 movies of whenever”. Well, I may disagree with various parts and points of reference with the AFI. I may disagree with them that Atticus Finch is the greatest hero of all time, but their list is head and shoulders above what EW put out. This list is a tragedy, a mockery of all things film, and the author of said article deserves a swift neutering so that they don’t breed.

Without further ado, their list, and my comments

Entertainment Weekly’s top 100 movies since 1983 (IE the past 25 years for those mathmatically challenged.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994) Certainly a good movie. A potentially groundbreaking movie in style and storytelling. But deserving of the #1 spot for the past 25 years? Doubtful.
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03) Good movies all, wonderfully done. Arguably deserving to be in the top twenty, but not as Number two.
3. Titanic (1997) No. In fact, not only no, but hell no. Yes it’s a great tearjerker and a wonderful Romance movie according to my wife. Sure it won Oscars, but there is no way in hell that this is better than Schindlers List.
4. Blue Velvet (1986) This doesn’t even deserve to be on the list. Seriously folks, Dean Stockwell singing to Dennis Hopper does not make a good movie.
5. Toy Story (1995) This one is debatable in my mind. It shaped the way that kid movies would be made for the next however long, and had a strong cast. Top 20, yes, rounding out the top 5? Maybe.
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998) This deserves the spot as number one, not as number six.
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) *Facepalm* May I ask now what the author was smoking?
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) Excellent movie from an excellent book. I heartily endorse this movie being in the top ten.
9. Die Hard (1988) Great movie, helped launch the career of a great actor, wonderful cast, very deserving of it’s spot in the top ten.
10. Moulin Rouge (2001) *double facepalm*No. In fact not only No, but FUCK NO!
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) Funny yes, Top 20? No.
12. The Matrix (1999) For what it influenced it deserves a top spot. Top 20? Possibly, not as #12 however.
13. GoodFellas (1990) How did Titanic get a higher rating than this again?
14. Crumb (1995) This movie was so great I have never seen it. It’s one of five movies out of this list that I don’t own, nor have I seen. This should tell you about it’s placement.
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990) This movie made me hate god. It’s true. It made me hate god, because no kind or loving god would allow this movie to be made.
16. Boogie Nights (1997) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
17. Jerry Maguire (1996) Good movie, I agree. Further down the list, I agree.
18. Do the Right Thing (1989) No. Not only No, but never should this movie even be mentioned in the same sentance as a top 100 list.
19. Casino Royale (2006) A good movie certainly. A restart of the Bond films is always a good thing. Does it deserve the spot as 19? Nope. Maybe in the Seventies would be better.
20. The Lion King (1994) I can see this squeeking in at number 99 or so, but not as number 20.
21. Schindler’s List (1993) How did the Lion King beat this movie again?
22. Rushmore (1998) Seriously? This made the top 100 list? What the hell were they thinking?
23. Memento (2001) Marvelous! Bravo! Well deserving of it’s place in the top 25.
24. A Room With a View (1986) My wife likes this movie. I hate it.
25. Shrek (2001) Again a good movie for the list with bad placement.
26. Hoop Dreams (1994) Oh for the love of god no.
27. Aliens (1986) Ok, this pains me because I LOVE this movie. It is on my personal top 2 list of all time, but it doesn’t deserve to be in the top 30. I’d call it a solid 50, but nothing more in reality.
28. Wings of Desire (1988) If you have never seen this movie, go find it, watch it, you will love it. It deserves this spot.
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004) Let’s just call this spot for the whole Bourne series and be done with it, it’s not worthy of the spot, but since it should be in the high thirties it’s not that bad a call.
30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989) Women faking orgasms rounds out the top 30. There is no god.
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005) I apologise. There was a god, the person making this list just killed him and raped his corpse.
32. Fight Club (1999) Remove the previous two movies and put this in their place as both spots. It’s good enough to have two spots.
33. The Breakfast Club (1985) Ah yes, the Brat packers. Stab me, please.
34. Fargo (1996) Darkly comedic, brilliant story telling, Steve Buscemi in a wood chipper, what more needs to be said.
35. The Incredibles (2004) Deserves this spot. Good cast, good story, a sequel would just murder it and make baby jesus cry.
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004) Of course, we had two strong movies before this, we have to throw in a pile of crap in this spot and the next few just so that we can equal out the good.
37. Pretty Woman (1990) See previous comment.
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999) The only M. Night Schyster movie I ever liked. The twist is good, the movie is enjoyable without being pretentious.
40. Speed (1994) Woah, I have an acting career?
41. Dazed and Confused (1993) Replace this with Varsity Blues and I agree.
42. Clueless (1995) For the love of all that is holy, NO! This wasn’t even a GOOD movie!
43. Gladiator (2000) WHY WAS THIS MOVIE BEATEN BY THE PREVIOUS PILES OF CRAP?
44. The Player (1992) Oooh! An interesting movie choice. A movie that may not be a movie about making movies! Certainly well acted, this movie is the only one of Tim Robbins movies I can stand, and that makes it stellar.
45. Rain Man (1988) I have a hard time with this movie, not because I hate Tom Cruise, but because the movie uses the “Who’s on first” sketch. Meh, positioning debatable.
46. Children of Men (2006) Women not being able to get pregnant in a holocaustic England with a good cast. A bad movie, but a great cast.
47. Men in Black (1997) Yes, for the love of god, yes.
48. Scarface (1983) This deserves to be in the top ten, not at number 48.
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) Normally I hate martial arts movies. I just dislike the genra as a whole, but this one was surprisingly good and I enjoyed it.
50. The Piano (1993) RAGE! HOW IS THIS ON THE LIST?
51. There Will Be Blood (2007) My god. A good movie again not in proper placement. Good movie, yes, top 50? Maybe.
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988) Deserves one of the many places before this one on the list. Let’s remove perhaps… Dazed and Confused and put this there.
53. The Truman Show (1998) Yes. I approve.
54. Fatal Attraction (1987) *Sigh* I really hate the person who made this list and put bad movies above good ones.
55. Risky Business (1983) This movie introduced Tom Cruise to the world. This movie needs to be burned.
56. The Lives of Others (2006) I typically hate foreign films. I also dislike communists. However this foreign film about the Stasi was a nice… no. a VERY nice movie.
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998) There sure is, there’s the fact that she needs to be burned at the stake.
58. Ghostbusters (1984)Again, a top 20 movie far out of place.
59. L.A. Confidential (1997) I swear, this list person wants me to have a heart attack. Put this far far above it’s placement. Top ten at least.
60. Scream (1996) No. No No No No. This movie made David Arquette have a career. There is not hatred enough for this movie, or that man who has ruined comedy movies for now over 10 years.
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984) This is my favorite Eddie Murphy movie of all time bar none. I want more Axel Foley!
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989) Trashcan, Lighter Fluid, Match.
63. Big (1988) Yes. A strong Yes to be exact.
64. No Country For Old Men (2007) To recent to decide if this is a great movie honestly.
65. Dirty Dancing (1987) Patrick Swazey can Dance. He can also act, how about we include say… Red Dawn here instead?
66. Natural Born Killers (1994) Over the top, hyper violent, profane, and hilarious. Deserving of a spot like this.
67. Donnie Brasco (1997) One of the most compelling Crime Dramas ever made.
68. Witness (1985) No. I don’t want to witness this ever again.
69. All About My Mother (1999) Crap!
70. Broadcast News (1987) More Crap!
71. Unforgiven (1992) A strong yes, and seriously deserving of a top 20 position, not a position as 71.
72. Thelma & Louise (1991) Debatable but then again, what on this list isn’t?
73. Office Space (1999) Strong and hilarious movie. Possibly one of the greatest comedies in the past 50 years. Timeless in our current cubicle filled world.
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Placement is wrong, but a decent movie.
75. Out of Africa (1985) An autobiography more than a movie, it tells a story about the greatness of the African Continent. Since most things about that continent are depressing, it fits that this movie is too.
76. The Departed (2006) Top thirties, not number 76.
77. Sid and Nancy (1986) Good movie, not the greatest, but good.
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)Top Twenties at least.
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996) Should have been waiting on Godot instead.
80. Michael Clayton (2007) Modern Agriculture is EVIL! Just ask the radical lefties who made this movie!
81. Moonstruck (1987) Poor acting, but I’ll let it slide just because it portrays Italian Americans as something other than mobsters.
82. Lost in Translation (2003) Bill Murray deserved an Oscar for this film.
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987) Zombies? On this List? My god, there is hope after all.
84. Sideways (2004) For all that is holy, NO!
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005) Poor comedy does not make a good movie.
86. Y Tu Mama Tambien (2002) I will not comment as I do not watch movies that are not origional.
87. Swingers (1996) Meh.
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Dr. Evil deserves a much better placement than this.
89. Breaking the Waves (1996) I like Scotland, I liked Braveheart. This is no Braveheart.
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004) No, not on any list, EVER.
91. Back to the Future (1985) Much better than the two sequels, Michael J Fox before the shakes was a good actor.
92. Menace II Society (1993) Look! Comid Blacksploitation for the modern era! Except, worse!
93. Ed Wood (1994) Brilliant film!
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987) The first half of this movie could hold one spot, and the second the spot right behind it as it is really two seperate movies. An anti war movie that most war movie buffs love.
95. In the Mood for Love (2001) No comment.
96. Far From Heaven (2002) Never seen it, and I have no plans to do so.
97. Glory (1989) An excellent movie about the civil war. I may have mixed feelings about the War of Northern Aggression, but I do love this movie.
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) 98? 98?! Damnit, maybe I need to have my head checked if an idiot who made this list gets published and paid for it.
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999) A poor movie with cheap tricks, but a classic one and worthy of the list.
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999) Oh dear, this is sad. Yes it’s funny, but it’s still sad.

Now, where on this list is any of the Indiana Jones trilogy? Where are the Star Wars movies? Super Troopers? Reservior Dogs? Leon? The Big Red One? Willow? My god. So many good movies not on the list and their spots taken by utter garbage. There are 41 movies that do not belong on this list and several that should take their spots. The fact that movies like Red Dawn, Bravehart, Dances with Wolves, Shawshank Redemption, Batman Begins, Army of Darkness, and Usual Suspects are not on this list are a TRAGEDY!

I want to stab someone now.

Yay Illegal Alien Gangs!

June 24, 2008

Yay! Just when I thought that our own home grown gangs were bad enough, along comes MS-13, a gang who’s members are, by and large, Illegal Aliens. Not the ET style of aliens of course, but I think a gang of ET’s hanging out on the corner selling crack to school kids would be funny, but the Mexican and Salvadoran kinda gang. 

Commie News Network
Twenty-six alleged members of a Hispanic gang believed to be one of the nation’s largest and most violent were indicted in North Carolina and charged with offenses including drug activity, racketeering, assault and murder, according to federal court documents.

North Carolina decided today to put a smack down on this group of clowns, and they decided it was a great thing to unveil a 55 count indictment. 4 counts of Murder, selling coke and pot, assaults, and the rest of the normal gang related activites. The people who say that illegal aliens are here to do jobs that Americans won’t do are full of shit.

We have our own gangs, they already fill the “gangbanger” niche just fine. We don’t need illegal aliens coming here and taking their jobs!

Islamofascism.

June 24, 2008

It’s probably going to be obvious from my name and about me page that I’m a conservative. Note please, that while I consider myself a Conservative, am a registered Republican, and I typically vote Republican, I don’t always agree with everything or anywhere close to everything that the Republican party says or does. I don’t agree with their moving further away from the very thing that the party is founded upon, nor do I agree with some of the decisions that Pres. Bush has made. His statement that he would sign any new assault weapons ban that crossed his desk offended me greatly.

However there is one thing that I do agree with, and that my friends is this fight we are involved in with Islamofascism. Now, I want to make it clear that I have nothing against many muslims. I don’t follow their beliefs, I don’t agree with their actions, and I feel that by and large they are out of step with reality. But I’m not going to quibble over small points of theocratic debade. By and large my feelings on the various religions of the world can be summed up as “Live and let live”.

However when your very core beliefs tell you that me and mine deserve to die because we refuse to kowtow to your beliefs, you cross the line. When your religion wants to make me and mine a subject, a slave, or dead, you can fuck right off. The fact that the terrorists hide behind their faith, and the faith of however many millions of people is reprehensable. Muslims in various countries cheered and danced in the street when the twin towers fell down. Adherents of Muhammad sing praises of those who stuck a blow against the great satan that is the USA.

Now almost seven years into this war that they started people are tired, people want peace, and they want us to become members in good standing with the rest of the world. They want us to be meek little sheep who do nothing when they are attacked except huddle together and bury our heads in the sand. Well fuck that, and fuck them. What I want is for our government to take the gloves off. I want us to enforce the Articles of War. I want us to follow the Geneva Convention to the letter.

No uniform on an enemy combattant? No taking prisoners, just a bullet in the back of the head. Murdering women and children, then hiding in a mosque? Have a missile. I don’t want us to fight a war against barbarians with one hand tied behind our backs. Let the military commanders make decisions without having to weigh the political consequences. Look at Russia and Chechnia. Do you hear anyone screaming about the Russians oppressing the Chechnians? Do you hear anyone cry when the Russians blow up a mosque to take out an insurgent?

Of course not. The Russians understand that the war between them and Chechnia is one of annihilation. Much like this current war on Terror, we aren’t here to win their hearts and minds, we are here to show that we have the bigger stick. We are here to smack them with the stick whenever they screw with us. I want the law of Reprisal to be enforced. You kill one of ours, or disobey the laws of war, and we enforce the law. We take care of you, your group, your friends, and your family.

I don’t want them to like us, I don’t want them to respect us.

I want them to fear us. I want them and the rest of the world to understand that whatever you do unto us, we will deliver ten fold worse unto you.

 

Fake Lost Tribe… wasn’t this a movie?

June 24, 2008

So most people have read about the “lost tribe” in the middle of the Amazon basin. This tribe has never had contact with the outside world, they spend their lives swinging around like monkeys in that shitty Indiana Jones movie, and hiding from the rest of humanity. While I don’t blame them from hiding away from humanity (mostly because humanity sucks), I find it funny that now, a month and a bit later it turns out that the photographer is a phony.

Imagine that, a huge story that got a lot of people up in arms about the beauty of the world, and the mysterious discoveries we have yet to unearth… was fake. In fact, this tribe isn’t any new thing, we’ve known about them for almost a hundred years now. (98 to be exact)

The only reason that this story was run was to show their plight to the world and attempt to get people to pay attention to logging in the rainforests. The hell with Journalistic integrity, let’s just try to force feed our agenda to the rest of the world.

Well pardon me for not being enlightened enough to really give a damn about people who live in the amazon basin. I’m suffering from a horrible injury currently, I broke my “give a damn” and thusly I don’t give a damn.

Log the rainforest, pave the whole area, and put a McDonalds right in the middle.

The photojournalist can be the cashier.

Seven Dirty Words you can’t say on Television

June 23, 2008

So long and thanks for the laughs

June 23, 2008

Being who I am, I enjoy off beat humor. I snicker at the humor of Dana Gould. I smirk at the comedic ranting of Larry the Cable guy. I chuckle whenever I hear anything from Denis Leary, and I laugh whenever George Carlin says anything. I’ve seen almost everything he has done and I laugh. I laugh whenever he cracks a joke, I laugh whenever he talks about politics or religion, pretty much anything he says that is off color or intended to be humorous makes me laugh.

I love hearing his comments about the little words you can’t say, I love hearing him talking about taking your stuff with you on vacation. I enjoy his cameos in movies, his specials on television, hell, I even liked his really shitty television show on fox years and years ago.

I guess that I won’t be laughing at his antics anymore.