Entertainment weekly is a pile of crap.

Recently, Entertainment weekly put out a list of movies similar in scope to what the American Film Institute puts out. You know, the “top 100 movies of whenever”. Well, I may disagree with various parts and points of reference with the AFI. I may disagree with them that Atticus Finch is the greatest hero of all time, but their list is head and shoulders above what EW put out. This list is a tragedy, a mockery of all things film, and the author of said article deserves a swift neutering so that they don’t breed.

Without further ado, their list, and my comments

Entertainment Weekly’s top 100 movies since 1983 (IE the past 25 years for those mathmatically challenged.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994) Certainly a good movie. A potentially groundbreaking movie in style and storytelling. But deserving of the #1 spot for the past 25 years? Doubtful.
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03) Good movies all, wonderfully done. Arguably deserving to be in the top twenty, but not as Number two.
3. Titanic (1997) No. In fact, not only no, but hell no. Yes it’s a great tearjerker and a wonderful Romance movie according to my wife. Sure it won Oscars, but there is no way in hell that this is better than Schindlers List.
4. Blue Velvet (1986) This doesn’t even deserve to be on the list. Seriously folks, Dean Stockwell singing to Dennis Hopper does not make a good movie.
5. Toy Story (1995) This one is debatable in my mind. It shaped the way that kid movies would be made for the next however long, and had a strong cast. Top 20, yes, rounding out the top 5? Maybe.
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998) This deserves the spot as number one, not as number six.
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) *Facepalm* May I ask now what the author was smoking?
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) Excellent movie from an excellent book. I heartily endorse this movie being in the top ten.
9. Die Hard (1988) Great movie, helped launch the career of a great actor, wonderful cast, very deserving of it’s spot in the top ten.
10. Moulin Rouge (2001) *double facepalm*No. In fact not only No, but FUCK NO!
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) Funny yes, Top 20? No.
12. The Matrix (1999) For what it influenced it deserves a top spot. Top 20? Possibly, not as #12 however.
13. GoodFellas (1990) How did Titanic get a higher rating than this again?
14. Crumb (1995) This movie was so great I have never seen it. It’s one of five movies out of this list that I don’t own, nor have I seen. This should tell you about it’s placement.
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990) This movie made me hate god. It’s true. It made me hate god, because no kind or loving god would allow this movie to be made.
16. Boogie Nights (1997) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
17. Jerry Maguire (1996) Good movie, I agree. Further down the list, I agree.
18. Do the Right Thing (1989) No. Not only No, but never should this movie even be mentioned in the same sentance as a top 100 list.
19. Casino Royale (2006) A good movie certainly. A restart of the Bond films is always a good thing. Does it deserve the spot as 19? Nope. Maybe in the Seventies would be better.
20. The Lion King (1994) I can see this squeeking in at number 99 or so, but not as number 20.
21. Schindler’s List (1993) How did the Lion King beat this movie again?
22. Rushmore (1998) Seriously? This made the top 100 list? What the hell were they thinking?
23. Memento (2001) Marvelous! Bravo! Well deserving of it’s place in the top 25.
24. A Room With a View (1986) My wife likes this movie. I hate it.
25. Shrek (2001) Again a good movie for the list with bad placement.
26. Hoop Dreams (1994) Oh for the love of god no.
27. Aliens (1986) Ok, this pains me because I LOVE this movie. It is on my personal top 2 list of all time, but it doesn’t deserve to be in the top 30. I’d call it a solid 50, but nothing more in reality.
28. Wings of Desire (1988) If you have never seen this movie, go find it, watch it, you will love it. It deserves this spot.
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004) Let’s just call this spot for the whole Bourne series and be done with it, it’s not worthy of the spot, but since it should be in the high thirties it’s not that bad a call.
30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989) Women faking orgasms rounds out the top 30. There is no god.
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005) I apologise. There was a god, the person making this list just killed him and raped his corpse.
32. Fight Club (1999) Remove the previous two movies and put this in their place as both spots. It’s good enough to have two spots.
33. The Breakfast Club (1985) Ah yes, the Brat packers. Stab me, please.
34. Fargo (1996) Darkly comedic, brilliant story telling, Steve Buscemi in a wood chipper, what more needs to be said.
35. The Incredibles (2004) Deserves this spot. Good cast, good story, a sequel would just murder it and make baby jesus cry.
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004) Of course, we had two strong movies before this, we have to throw in a pile of crap in this spot and the next few just so that we can equal out the good.
37. Pretty Woman (1990) See previous comment.
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999) The only M. Night Schyster movie I ever liked. The twist is good, the movie is enjoyable without being pretentious.
40. Speed (1994) Woah, I have an acting career?
41. Dazed and Confused (1993) Replace this with Varsity Blues and I agree.
42. Clueless (1995) For the love of all that is holy, NO! This wasn’t even a GOOD movie!
43. Gladiator (2000) WHY WAS THIS MOVIE BEATEN BY THE PREVIOUS PILES OF CRAP?
44. The Player (1992) Oooh! An interesting movie choice. A movie that may not be a movie about making movies! Certainly well acted, this movie is the only one of Tim Robbins movies I can stand, and that makes it stellar.
45. Rain Man (1988) I have a hard time with this movie, not because I hate Tom Cruise, but because the movie uses the “Who’s on first” sketch. Meh, positioning debatable.
46. Children of Men (2006) Women not being able to get pregnant in a holocaustic England with a good cast. A bad movie, but a great cast.
47. Men in Black (1997) Yes, for the love of god, yes.
48. Scarface (1983) This deserves to be in the top ten, not at number 48.
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) Normally I hate martial arts movies. I just dislike the genra as a whole, but this one was surprisingly good and I enjoyed it.
50. The Piano (1993) RAGE! HOW IS THIS ON THE LIST?
51. There Will Be Blood (2007) My god. A good movie again not in proper placement. Good movie, yes, top 50? Maybe.
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988) Deserves one of the many places before this one on the list. Let’s remove perhaps… Dazed and Confused and put this there.
53. The Truman Show (1998) Yes. I approve.
54. Fatal Attraction (1987) *Sigh* I really hate the person who made this list and put bad movies above good ones.
55. Risky Business (1983) This movie introduced Tom Cruise to the world. This movie needs to be burned.
56. The Lives of Others (2006) I typically hate foreign films. I also dislike communists. However this foreign film about the Stasi was a nice… no. a VERY nice movie.
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998) There sure is, there’s the fact that she needs to be burned at the stake.
58. Ghostbusters (1984)Again, a top 20 movie far out of place.
59. L.A. Confidential (1997) I swear, this list person wants me to have a heart attack. Put this far far above it’s placement. Top ten at least.
60. Scream (1996) No. No No No No. This movie made David Arquette have a career. There is not hatred enough for this movie, or that man who has ruined comedy movies for now over 10 years.
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984) This is my favorite Eddie Murphy movie of all time bar none. I want more Axel Foley!
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989) Trashcan, Lighter Fluid, Match.
63. Big (1988) Yes. A strong Yes to be exact.
64. No Country For Old Men (2007) To recent to decide if this is a great movie honestly.
65. Dirty Dancing (1987) Patrick Swazey can Dance. He can also act, how about we include say… Red Dawn here instead?
66. Natural Born Killers (1994) Over the top, hyper violent, profane, and hilarious. Deserving of a spot like this.
67. Donnie Brasco (1997) One of the most compelling Crime Dramas ever made.
68. Witness (1985) No. I don’t want to witness this ever again.
69. All About My Mother (1999) Crap!
70. Broadcast News (1987) More Crap!
71. Unforgiven (1992) A strong yes, and seriously deserving of a top 20 position, not a position as 71.
72. Thelma & Louise (1991) Debatable but then again, what on this list isn’t?
73. Office Space (1999) Strong and hilarious movie. Possibly one of the greatest comedies in the past 50 years. Timeless in our current cubicle filled world.
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Placement is wrong, but a decent movie.
75. Out of Africa (1985) An autobiography more than a movie, it tells a story about the greatness of the African Continent. Since most things about that continent are depressing, it fits that this movie is too.
76. The Departed (2006) Top thirties, not number 76.
77. Sid and Nancy (1986) Good movie, not the greatest, but good.
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)Top Twenties at least.
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996) Should have been waiting on Godot instead.
80. Michael Clayton (2007) Modern Agriculture is EVIL! Just ask the radical lefties who made this movie!
81. Moonstruck (1987) Poor acting, but I’ll let it slide just because it portrays Italian Americans as something other than mobsters.
82. Lost in Translation (2003) Bill Murray deserved an Oscar for this film.
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987) Zombies? On this List? My god, there is hope after all.
84. Sideways (2004) For all that is holy, NO!
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005) Poor comedy does not make a good movie.
86. Y Tu Mama Tambien (2002) I will not comment as I do not watch movies that are not origional.
87. Swingers (1996) Meh.
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Dr. Evil deserves a much better placement than this.
89. Breaking the Waves (1996) I like Scotland, I liked Braveheart. This is no Braveheart.
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004) No, not on any list, EVER.
91. Back to the Future (1985) Much better than the two sequels, Michael J Fox before the shakes was a good actor.
92. Menace II Society (1993) Look! Comid Blacksploitation for the modern era! Except, worse!
93. Ed Wood (1994) Brilliant film!
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987) The first half of this movie could hold one spot, and the second the spot right behind it as it is really two seperate movies. An anti war movie that most war movie buffs love.
95. In the Mood for Love (2001) No comment.
96. Far From Heaven (2002) Never seen it, and I have no plans to do so.
97. Glory (1989) An excellent movie about the civil war. I may have mixed feelings about the War of Northern Aggression, but I do love this movie.
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) 98? 98?! Damnit, maybe I need to have my head checked if an idiot who made this list gets published and paid for it.
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999) A poor movie with cheap tricks, but a classic one and worthy of the list.
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999) Oh dear, this is sad. Yes it’s funny, but it’s still sad.

Now, where on this list is any of the Indiana Jones trilogy? Where are the Star Wars movies? Super Troopers? Reservior Dogs? Leon? The Big Red One? Willow? My god. So many good movies not on the list and their spots taken by utter garbage. There are 41 movies that do not belong on this list and several that should take their spots. The fact that movies like Red Dawn, Bravehart, Dances with Wolves, Shawshank Redemption, Batman Begins, Army of Darkness, and Usual Suspects are not on this list are a TRAGEDY!

I want to stab someone now.

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